The Tarot Series
0. The Fool
Hidden in plain sight
Forgotten from time
Abandoned to critical blight
Running to that flash
Floating in gravity
Hands locking unabashed
Righting of a tragedy
In the beginning of the fool's journey, a leap of faith needs to be taken. The card only shows the leap, the success or failure of it is unknown. In the original Rider Waite Tarot Deck, the Fool is seen about to walk off a cliff while a dog warns him to look before he leaps.
My interpretation of this card shows a girl soaring high off of her swing and taking the leap into a portal. It is a freeze frame of her entering as her leg turns blue. The portal is the planet Uranus which rules over The Fool card. Symbolically, Uranus represents change and forging a new path. Is there really a new path? Or have we opened our eyes to see the path that was there the whole time? Did she find herself or finally let herself be free?
Another older girl is sitting in her swing looking on to the moment. Who is she and what does she represent to younger girl? Are they sisters or cousins? Are they friends or foes? Does the older girl warn out of protection or for other reasons?
The sun shines brightly on the moment she decided to brave the unknown - not on the outcome.
Hidden in plain sight
Forgotten from time
Abandoned to critical blight
Running to that flash
Floating in gravity
Hands locking unabashed
Righting of a tragedy
In the beginning of the fool's journey, a leap of faith needs to be taken. The card only shows the leap, the success or failure of it is unknown. In the original Rider Waite Tarot Deck, the Fool is seen about to walk off a cliff while a dog warns him to look before he leaps.
My interpretation of this card shows a girl soaring high off of her swing and taking the leap into a portal. It is a freeze frame of her entering as her leg turns blue. The portal is the planet Uranus which rules over The Fool card. Symbolically, Uranus represents change and forging a new path. Is there really a new path? Or have we opened our eyes to see the path that was there the whole time? Did she find herself or finally let herself be free?
Another older girl is sitting in her swing looking on to the moment. Who is she and what does she represent to younger girl? Are they sisters or cousins? Are they friends or foes? Does the older girl warn out of protection or for other reasons?
The sun shines brightly on the moment she decided to brave the unknown - not on the outcome.
3. The Empress
Cemented the eternal weeping
Willows rooted to the Stone
Posterity of wisdom dispersing
Perished crown sown
Somber seeds plucked from rooting
Mended foundation shown
The Empress represents the mother in the tarot deck. It is seen as a card where beauty, nature, love and richness can grow. The card is alive almost to the point of wildness taking over.
Becoming a mother comes with the task of teaching and sowing seeds of love into your child. We do this by educating the same ways we were taught. It also comes with the understanding that not everything we learned as children should be passed on.
I now know that I can acknowledge the good and learn from the things that need to be changed. My own childhood trauma should end with me, new seeds be allowed to take root and flourish without the weeds of trauma suffocating the flowers.
Behind the heads of the mother and daughter is Venus. This planet represents all things beautiful - music, art, love, nature, etc. The mother's is a darker, somber color compared to the brighter color of the child's. They sit together on a stone foundation close enough to the weeping willow to be shaded by it, but not underneath it. The flowers around the edge of lake are purple irises, symbolizing trust, wisdom, and faith. Surrounding them are lily pads and one lily that has bloomed. The white lily symbolizes rebirth, renewal and innocence. They glisten just above the murky surface of the water below without being covered in mud.
Cemented the eternal weeping
Willows rooted to the Stone
Posterity of wisdom dispersing
Perished crown sown
Somber seeds plucked from rooting
Mended foundation shown
The Empress represents the mother in the tarot deck. It is seen as a card where beauty, nature, love and richness can grow. The card is alive almost to the point of wildness taking over.
Becoming a mother comes with the task of teaching and sowing seeds of love into your child. We do this by educating the same ways we were taught. It also comes with the understanding that not everything we learned as children should be passed on.
I now know that I can acknowledge the good and learn from the things that need to be changed. My own childhood trauma should end with me, new seeds be allowed to take root and flourish without the weeds of trauma suffocating the flowers.
Behind the heads of the mother and daughter is Venus. This planet represents all things beautiful - music, art, love, nature, etc. The mother's is a darker, somber color compared to the brighter color of the child's. They sit together on a stone foundation close enough to the weeping willow to be shaded by it, but not underneath it. The flowers around the edge of lake are purple irises, symbolizing trust, wisdom, and faith. Surrounding them are lily pads and one lily that has bloomed. The white lily symbolizes rebirth, renewal and innocence. They glisten just above the murky surface of the water below without being covered in mud.
6. The Lovers
To choose you, to choose me
To choose to forever intertwine our family tree
To choose the mind of the other
To choose to be eternal lovers
Originally based on "The Choice of Hercules" in the earlier depictions, the card represented the choosing the road of morality or giving in to vices. As different renditions of the deck were created, The Lovers became a card about love, union, and overcoming trials.
This card is ruled by the zodiac sign Gemini. Known as the Twins, Gemini is a sign which is seen as a mirror or reflection of the other. This painting evolved over time from the initial design, but the feeling remained the same - am I ready for children? The life long commitment that will link you together both symbolically and physically for generations to come. Ultimately I had completed this painting long after becoming a parent, and I am grateful that I was able to document a time of indecision in my life.
To choose you, to choose me
To choose to forever intertwine our family tree
To choose the mind of the other
To choose to be eternal lovers
Originally based on "The Choice of Hercules" in the earlier depictions, the card represented the choosing the road of morality or giving in to vices. As different renditions of the deck were created, The Lovers became a card about love, union, and overcoming trials.
This card is ruled by the zodiac sign Gemini. Known as the Twins, Gemini is a sign which is seen as a mirror or reflection of the other. This painting evolved over time from the initial design, but the feeling remained the same - am I ready for children? The life long commitment that will link you together both symbolically and physically for generations to come. Ultimately I had completed this painting long after becoming a parent, and I am grateful that I was able to document a time of indecision in my life.
9. The Hermit
Creating an internal bubble
Examining fragments of the rubble
Autonomy is washing away
Insidious bits pining to stay
At this point in The Fool's journey, one has been through quite a number of events. The Hermit card describes a time when one retreats inward and contemplates life. It is a quiet moment where the challenges that were overcome, are dissected to understand how one got to that point.
Older depictions of the card have an elderly man holding a lantern in the desert. My interpretation placed a woman bathing all the outside noise away in the ocean. The lighter square around her silences the busy world and she instead listens to the waves of her own inner voice. Since The Hermit card is ruled by the zodiac sign Virgo, I placed The Sombrero Galaxy around the woman making her the center. As she ponders the mysteries of the universe, the Carina Galaxy explodes behind her.
After the passing of my grandparents in 2022 and 2024, I felt untethered to the world. My family lost its matriarch and patriarch. They kept the rhythm of our families for the year. I spent many days sitting in the garden listening to the wind rustling the leaves and to the birds singing me a song. I delved into the patterns of life, of my family, and ultimately the patterns of me. I had a choice after facing the ugly parts of myself - ignore them or course correct what I could and accept the ones that I couldn't. I realized I could no longer look outside of myself for stability but instead be that for my own family.
Creating an internal bubble
Examining fragments of the rubble
Autonomy is washing away
Insidious bits pining to stay
At this point in The Fool's journey, one has been through quite a number of events. The Hermit card describes a time when one retreats inward and contemplates life. It is a quiet moment where the challenges that were overcome, are dissected to understand how one got to that point.
Older depictions of the card have an elderly man holding a lantern in the desert. My interpretation placed a woman bathing all the outside noise away in the ocean. The lighter square around her silences the busy world and she instead listens to the waves of her own inner voice. Since The Hermit card is ruled by the zodiac sign Virgo, I placed The Sombrero Galaxy around the woman making her the center. As she ponders the mysteries of the universe, the Carina Galaxy explodes behind her.
After the passing of my grandparents in 2022 and 2024, I felt untethered to the world. My family lost its matriarch and patriarch. They kept the rhythm of our families for the year. I spent many days sitting in the garden listening to the wind rustling the leaves and to the birds singing me a song. I delved into the patterns of life, of my family, and ultimately the patterns of me. I had a choice after facing the ugly parts of myself - ignore them or course correct what I could and accept the ones that I couldn't. I realized I could no longer look outside of myself for stability but instead be that for my own family.
14. Temperance
whatsgoingtohappenwhosgoingtobethereare
theygoingtolikemewhatifisaythewrongthing
whatifnoonetalkstomedontbeweirddontstaretoo
longdontinterruptdontgettooexcitedamioverdressed
throw on a mask, down the flask
didinotdressupenoughwhatifeveryoneforgets
aboutmeandleavesmyhairisnotdoingwhatiwant
ittoohnoilookweirdthisdoesntgowiththispeople
aregoingtomakefunofmeimgoingtobeawkward
down the flask, down the flask
silence
THE FLASK THE FLASK
flask, flask, gone in a flash
stomach revolting, clear the cache
me, myself, and I all trashed and bashed
everyone laughs
cracks of hope through the looking glass
Temperance has two definitions:
1. abstinence from alcoholic drink
2. the quality of moderation or self-restraint
1.
I’ve had a rocky relationship with alcohol which comes as no surprise to many. What may be news is how I used it as a crutch to blend in. It was often said that I just didn’t know my limit. In the words of Cady Heron from Mean Girls, “The Limit Doesn’t Exist.” Becoming pregnant with my son blessed me with many gifts, one being completely alcohol free for over a year. This opened my eyes, showing me I relied on alcohol to quiet the noise hiding in the crevices of my brain. By drinking as much as I did I harmed my friends, my family, my dreams and goals, but most importantly I hurt myself. I allowed myself to be convinced I didn’t have a problem, I just needed to practice self-restraint. I tried putting rules on when and how many drinks I could have. At first I was doing great, but one drink a week became one drink a night. Slowly it was two drinks a night. This was not restraint. This was not moderation.
gain I changed the rules to one drink only on holidays or at family functions. It was working but it created even more anxiety about sticking to the rules. Christmas 2021, my whole family was sick and it was a virtual holiday. I had one drink to celebrate while we were facetiming. I woke up the next morning with a hangover. “How?” I said to myself, “I had one drink, I wasn’t even tipsy or buzzed or drunk!” This solidified it for me. What was the point? Why keep doing this to my body? Having a hangover, while simultaneously being sick and having to do mom stuff was not it.
It will be three years since I’ve had alcohol. The journey has led me to turn inward and explore the reasons behind the compulsion to drink until inebriation. I’ve learned new things about myself and faced some hard truths. Being sober does not solve my problems, doesn’t erase my past. Instead it has granted my mind the endurance to combat shadows I hid from and the fortitude to continue my artistic journey.
2.
When I get an idea for a painting, it pops into my mind and I see it almost fully fleshed out. To catch the lightning when it happens, I sketch or write it down immediately (usually write it down means texting it to my husband at 2 am). Because I enjoy creating paintings that are realistic, I find it difficult to find reference photos. These images do not exist in the world as I imagine them, so I scour the internet for "rights free" photos that cut, trim, manipulate, and collage together. This is how I create my reference photos for paintings.
I envisioned a woman made of glass like a whiskey bottle, filled to the brim with the amber liquid. The bottom of the woman/bottle cracking under the pressure and releases all its contents into the vast ocean below. This card is ruled by Sagittarius and I manipulated the image of The Omega Nebula from that constellation to look like the whiskey rushing out. A toy boat from my son's room rides the tumultuous waves escaping the bottle.
At the time I had this idea, AI was just taking off. At first it seemed like this great art tool, helping to create reference photos of the out there ideas I had rolling around my mind (think an emerald snake or a human body made out of a disco ball). Artists have used tools to aid in the creative process for centuries, and I had likened AI to a modern tool such as Photoshop or Procreate. But I have a real issue with how the companies went about training their AI models. They went through and scrapped all the digital information of specific artists without their consent. Adobe updated their terms and services after scraping everyone's data to retroactively obtain permission. But the damage had already been done.
I went back to my mock ups and did not feel good incorporating elements of AI into all my paintings. I deleted them or cut out any AI usage. The only one piece that remains is this glass figure in the shape of a human. I felt it was appropriate to leave it as a reminder to not give technology all the power, that we determine our course not an algorithm or an AI prompt. We as humans were made to create and explore, but we must also take responsibility in how our creations are used.
whatsgoingtohappenwhosgoingtobethereare
theygoingtolikemewhatifisaythewrongthing
whatifnoonetalkstomedontbeweirddontstaretoo
longdontinterruptdontgettooexcitedamioverdressed
throw on a mask, down the flask
didinotdressupenoughwhatifeveryoneforgets
aboutmeandleavesmyhairisnotdoingwhatiwant
ittoohnoilookweirdthisdoesntgowiththispeople
aregoingtomakefunofmeimgoingtobeawkward
down the flask, down the flask
silence
THE FLASK THE FLASK
flask, flask, gone in a flash
stomach revolting, clear the cache
me, myself, and I all trashed and bashed
everyone laughs
cracks of hope through the looking glass
Temperance has two definitions:
1. abstinence from alcoholic drink
2. the quality of moderation or self-restraint
1.
I’ve had a rocky relationship with alcohol which comes as no surprise to many. What may be news is how I used it as a crutch to blend in. It was often said that I just didn’t know my limit. In the words of Cady Heron from Mean Girls, “The Limit Doesn’t Exist.” Becoming pregnant with my son blessed me with many gifts, one being completely alcohol free for over a year. This opened my eyes, showing me I relied on alcohol to quiet the noise hiding in the crevices of my brain. By drinking as much as I did I harmed my friends, my family, my dreams and goals, but most importantly I hurt myself. I allowed myself to be convinced I didn’t have a problem, I just needed to practice self-restraint. I tried putting rules on when and how many drinks I could have. At first I was doing great, but one drink a week became one drink a night. Slowly it was two drinks a night. This was not restraint. This was not moderation.
gain I changed the rules to one drink only on holidays or at family functions. It was working but it created even more anxiety about sticking to the rules. Christmas 2021, my whole family was sick and it was a virtual holiday. I had one drink to celebrate while we were facetiming. I woke up the next morning with a hangover. “How?” I said to myself, “I had one drink, I wasn’t even tipsy or buzzed or drunk!” This solidified it for me. What was the point? Why keep doing this to my body? Having a hangover, while simultaneously being sick and having to do mom stuff was not it.
It will be three years since I’ve had alcohol. The journey has led me to turn inward and explore the reasons behind the compulsion to drink until inebriation. I’ve learned new things about myself and faced some hard truths. Being sober does not solve my problems, doesn’t erase my past. Instead it has granted my mind the endurance to combat shadows I hid from and the fortitude to continue my artistic journey.
2.
When I get an idea for a painting, it pops into my mind and I see it almost fully fleshed out. To catch the lightning when it happens, I sketch or write it down immediately (usually write it down means texting it to my husband at 2 am). Because I enjoy creating paintings that are realistic, I find it difficult to find reference photos. These images do not exist in the world as I imagine them, so I scour the internet for "rights free" photos that cut, trim, manipulate, and collage together. This is how I create my reference photos for paintings.
I envisioned a woman made of glass like a whiskey bottle, filled to the brim with the amber liquid. The bottom of the woman/bottle cracking under the pressure and releases all its contents into the vast ocean below. This card is ruled by Sagittarius and I manipulated the image of The Omega Nebula from that constellation to look like the whiskey rushing out. A toy boat from my son's room rides the tumultuous waves escaping the bottle.
At the time I had this idea, AI was just taking off. At first it seemed like this great art tool, helping to create reference photos of the out there ideas I had rolling around my mind (think an emerald snake or a human body made out of a disco ball). Artists have used tools to aid in the creative process for centuries, and I had likened AI to a modern tool such as Photoshop or Procreate. But I have a real issue with how the companies went about training their AI models. They went through and scrapped all the digital information of specific artists without their consent. Adobe updated their terms and services after scraping everyone's data to retroactively obtain permission. But the damage had already been done.
I went back to my mock ups and did not feel good incorporating elements of AI into all my paintings. I deleted them or cut out any AI usage. The only one piece that remains is this glass figure in the shape of a human. I felt it was appropriate to leave it as a reminder to not give technology all the power, that we determine our course not an algorithm or an AI prompt. We as humans were made to create and explore, but we must also take responsibility in how our creations are used.
16. The Tower
Castles balancing on quicksand
grains precariously placed
grasping for completion
reaching for the sky
virtually there
just one more...
silent rumbling begins
tumbling down
the magnitude of creating
on unstable ground
The Tower represents situations in life when huge structures were created on shaky foundations. How can something be built to last when the initial layer was sitting on an already decaying level?
Most depictions of this card are of a dark stormy night with lightning hitting a stone tower. I couldn't quite decide the direction of this painting for a long time. I envisioned something more along the lines of a house of cards, but was not settled on building a card tower. This card is ruled by the planet Mars. I started researching missions to Mars and found images of the surface of the planet. The dunes of sand piled high from the winds and that is when all the pieces came together in my mind. Sand castles are no different than a card tower, eventually one of the elements knocks it to the ground. As children we build them for fun. We spend hours creating a magical world of wonder, not realizing the tide will come and wash it away.
Quick sand was another crumbling tower I played with. The surface is flat and calm, but if you walk in it you start to sink immediately. The more you struggle the quicker you drown. My initial thought was to have lightning hit the tower as well, but chose a frayed rope. The hand desperately reaches towards it for a glimmer of hope in the final moments, not realizing the offer of help will fall apart under the pressure. It is the idea of giving to a community based on the ideology of “but how does it help me” only to realize they will let you drown in the end.
I have had many tower situations in my life and watched as my world crumbled. Some happening due to outside circumstances and others that were my fault. Shaky foundations could be as simple as telling yourself a lie. When you reach out for stability, the lie snaps and reality comes crashing down.
Castles balancing on quicksand
grains precariously placed
grasping for completion
reaching for the sky
virtually there
just one more...
silent rumbling begins
tumbling down
the magnitude of creating
on unstable ground
The Tower represents situations in life when huge structures were created on shaky foundations. How can something be built to last when the initial layer was sitting on an already decaying level?
Most depictions of this card are of a dark stormy night with lightning hitting a stone tower. I couldn't quite decide the direction of this painting for a long time. I envisioned something more along the lines of a house of cards, but was not settled on building a card tower. This card is ruled by the planet Mars. I started researching missions to Mars and found images of the surface of the planet. The dunes of sand piled high from the winds and that is when all the pieces came together in my mind. Sand castles are no different than a card tower, eventually one of the elements knocks it to the ground. As children we build them for fun. We spend hours creating a magical world of wonder, not realizing the tide will come and wash it away.
Quick sand was another crumbling tower I played with. The surface is flat and calm, but if you walk in it you start to sink immediately. The more you struggle the quicker you drown. My initial thought was to have lightning hit the tower as well, but chose a frayed rope. The hand desperately reaches towards it for a glimmer of hope in the final moments, not realizing the offer of help will fall apart under the pressure. It is the idea of giving to a community based on the ideology of “but how does it help me” only to realize they will let you drown in the end.
I have had many tower situations in my life and watched as my world crumbled. Some happening due to outside circumstances and others that were my fault. Shaky foundations could be as simple as telling yourself a lie. When you reach out for stability, the lie snaps and reality comes crashing down.
19. The Sun
Perpetual rays of the terminal glow
The beat of airless blood quickens to slow
Routine smile, cerulean view
Forever the shadow of you
Under this painting is a different painting that hung in my living room since I made it eight years ago. It was a photo of my sister as a baby and my deceased mother. Although I loved the painting so much, I thought it was time to create something that reflected my feeling of life as it continues on without my mother.
It began with a dream I had, a vision in my mind of a big blue sun. I found this quite coincidental as I had always likened my mother to the sun. She entered the room and the vibe just changed. People gravitated towards her, getting pulled in by her magnetic personality. If you crossed her, you definitely got burned.
The blue sun may have been in my dream, but this is an actual photo of our Sun taken by Nasa. I placed a spiral galaxy located in the constellation of Leo behind it as the Sun rules over the zodiac sign in astrology. Leo rules over the heart in medical astrology, which was the cause of my mother's passing (a normal summer Tuesday, while we watched TV and folded laundry together).
While the sun and stars exist for us every single day and night, they reside so far away from our physical being. The clouds often change our perspective of them here on earth. They roll in and block out the twinkling dark sky but provide relief from the burning hot sun. They also release a much needed downpour, drenching the land and easing its despair. In their final dance with the sun, they provide the canvas for the sun to continue to paint pure magic every dusk and dawn.
It has now been over twenty years since my mother passed and my life is wholly different. I've had time to wrestle the emotions that flood the heart with such loss. I allow my soul the comfort that it will always be at war - fighting to remember but praying to forget, locked in a standstill until the final breath when we shall meet again.
The Sun is my little sadness that always exists inside all my life's happiest of times.
Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep
by Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Perpetual rays of the terminal glow
The beat of airless blood quickens to slow
Routine smile, cerulean view
Forever the shadow of you
Under this painting is a different painting that hung in my living room since I made it eight years ago. It was a photo of my sister as a baby and my deceased mother. Although I loved the painting so much, I thought it was time to create something that reflected my feeling of life as it continues on without my mother.
It began with a dream I had, a vision in my mind of a big blue sun. I found this quite coincidental as I had always likened my mother to the sun. She entered the room and the vibe just changed. People gravitated towards her, getting pulled in by her magnetic personality. If you crossed her, you definitely got burned.
The blue sun may have been in my dream, but this is an actual photo of our Sun taken by Nasa. I placed a spiral galaxy located in the constellation of Leo behind it as the Sun rules over the zodiac sign in astrology. Leo rules over the heart in medical astrology, which was the cause of my mother's passing (a normal summer Tuesday, while we watched TV and folded laundry together).
While the sun and stars exist for us every single day and night, they reside so far away from our physical being. The clouds often change our perspective of them here on earth. They roll in and block out the twinkling dark sky but provide relief from the burning hot sun. They also release a much needed downpour, drenching the land and easing its despair. In their final dance with the sun, they provide the canvas for the sun to continue to paint pure magic every dusk and dawn.
It has now been over twenty years since my mother passed and my life is wholly different. I've had time to wrestle the emotions that flood the heart with such loss. I allow my soul the comfort that it will always be at war - fighting to remember but praying to forget, locked in a standstill until the final breath when we shall meet again.
The Sun is my little sadness that always exists inside all my life's happiest of times.
Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep
by Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
